What Is Intimacy?
Intimacy is the experience of being deeply known, seen, and accepted by another.
It’s a state of closeness that allows for vulnerability, trust, and mutual presence.
At its core, intimacy says:
“I see you. I know you. I accept you. And I let you see me, too.”
True intimacy isn’t just about proximity—it’s about emotional, energetic, and spiritual openness.
It’s being with someone, not just next to them.
The 6 Types of Intimacy (and What They Look Like in Practice)
1. Emotional Intimacy
Definition: Sharing feelings, fears, dreams, and inner worlds.
Looks like:
Saying, “I’m scared and I don’t know why,” and being held with compassion
Feeling safe to cry in someone’s presence
Sharing your truth without needing to explain or justify
Being fully met in moments of joy, grief, shame, or celebration
2. Physical Intimacy (Non-Sexual)
Definition: Non-sexual touch and physical closeness that creates safety and bonding.
Looks like:
Cuddling, holding hands, resting your head on someone’s shoulder
A long hug that says “I’m here”
Touch that soothes, not just excites
Co-regulating nervous systems through gentle contact
3. Sexual Intimacy
Definition: Vulnerable and consensual sharing of erotic energy.
Looks like:
Feeling safe, connected, and attuned during sexual experiences
Exploring each other’s desires without shame or pressure
Communicating before, during, and after intimacy
Being held spiritually and emotionally, not just physically
4. Intellectual Intimacy
Definition: Sharing ideas, perspectives, and meaningful conversations.
Looks like:
Discussing books, beliefs, politics, or philosophies without judgment
Saying, “I’ve never thought about it that way” and meaning it
Feeling mentally stimulated and respected, even in disagreement
Co-creating new understandings through dialogue
5. Experiential Intimacy
Definition: Bonding through shared time, activities, or rituals.
Looks like:
Cooking together, traveling, or creating art as a form of connection
Daily rituals that build familiarity and trust
Inside jokes and shared history
Working toward a shared goal, side-by-side
6. Spiritual Intimacy
Definition: Connecting over shared values, purpose, or a sense of the sacred.
Looks like:
Praying, meditating, or being in nature together
Talking about the meaning of life, soul contracts, or personal growth
Holding space for each other’s beliefs—even if different
Feeling aligned on a deeper, invisible level
🌿 In Practice, Intimacy Is Built Through:
Safety – emotional, physical, energetic
Presence – showing up fully and honestly
Curiosity – a desire to know and be known
Consent – moving at a pace that honors all parties
Repair – returning after rupture, not disappearing
Vulnerability – the courage to reveal what’s real
Intimacy Creates Time: A Self-Reflection on Connection
Most of us weren’t taught how to do intimacy safely.
We weren’t modeled healthy vulnerability.
We weren’t shown how to stay present when connection feels risky.
So if you find yourself uncomfortable with certain types of intimacy—
That’s not a failure.
It’s a reflection of your nervous system doing what it learned to survive.
But the truth is: intimacy creates time.
It softens the past, brings life to the present, and makes the future feel safe again.
And because of that, you owe it to yourself—
to your becoming—
to slowly, bravely step into the kinds of intimacy you long for…
even if they scare you.
🌿 Rate Your Relationship to Intimacy
Use the scale below to assess how each type of intimacy currently feels for you:
4 – Totally Comfortable
3 – Somewhat Comfortable
2 – Uncomfortable
1 – Very Uncomfortable / Avoid
Emotional Intimacy
Letting others see your feelings. Being vulnerable without fixing or performing.
⬜ 4 ⬜ 3 ⬜ 2 ⬜ 1
Physical Intimacy (Non-Sexual)
Hugs, touch, proximity. Feeling safe in someone’s physical presence.
⬜ 4 ⬜ 3 ⬜ 2 ⬜ 1
Sexual Intimacy
Sharing erotic energy with trust, safety, and presence.
⬜ 4 ⬜ 3 ⬜ 2 ⬜ 1
Intellectual Intimacy
Sharing ideas, beliefs, or inner thoughts without fear of judgment.
⬜ 4 ⬜ 3 ⬜ 2 ⬜ 1
Experiential Intimacy
Connecting through shared activities, routines, or time spent together.
⬜ 4 ⬜ 3 ⬜ 2 ⬜ 1
Spiritual Intimacy
Exploring beliefs, soul journeys, or sacred meaning with someone else.
⬜ 4 ⬜ 3 ⬜ 2 ⬜ 1
🛠️ Practical Steps to Build Intimacy—One Layer at a Time
If a type of intimacy feels uncomfortable or unfamiliar, try this:
1. Name the discomfort
Ask yourself:
“What part of me feels unsafe with this kind of connection?”
Is it fear of rejection? Fear of being controlled? Of not being enough?
2. Start small
Choose one small, low-stakes action to build safety:
Emotional: Write someone a letter you never send
Physical: Practice self-soothing touch (hand on heart, arm rubs)
Sexual: Explore your desires solo with presence and reverence
Intellectual: Join a book club or share one thought with a trusted friend
Experiential: Cook a meal with someone. Sit in shared silence
Spiritual: Light a candle with someone, or share a moment of awe
3. Practice with safe people—or with yourself
You don’t need a partner or group to begin. Self-intimacy is the root of all other forms.
4. Offer yourself grace
Not all kinds of intimacy will feel natural. Some will stretch you.
That’s okay.
You are not broken.
You are growing.
💌 A Final Invitation
Let intimacy be your slow return to time.
To breath.
To presence.
To the sacred now.
You are not behind.
You are just beginning.
And that is holy.